Today is the first day...

I say today is the first day, but in actuality my baby is almost 4 months old. Many things have changed since his arrival on October 15th. To start I now have my little boy to go with my house full of crazy girls. I have changed my college major ... AGAIN! Shouldn't I know what I want to do with my life by now? I have been someone else's everything for going on 10 years and don't rightfully know what I want for me anymore.

I am tired, stressed, confused, and falling apart. Yet no one seems to notice. Everyone says, "I don't see how you do it." Well neither do I and frankly I'm done! I don't wanna do it anymore. I want 8 hours of uninterrupted blissful sleep. I want to shower and pee all by myself. I want someone to acknowledge the fact that I need a break sometimes too. And so I bottle it up and continue to smile because it's easier to not show I'm hurt and need some attention when so much else is going on. This will be my outlet, my way of expressing what no one seems to notice.