I must I know, but some days the fight is too much for me. I feel like there is no light waiting at the end of the journey. So I drift deeper into my own little space. It's a dark and desperate place. Filled with worry and tears and all of my fears. And yet I go on day after day. I do not stop or give up my fight. And when I lay you down tonight and watch you rest peacefully in your bed I can not imagine my life any other way. i love all my babies and want so much to be the mother they need and to not yell and scream. I try to work hard doing this and that, but feel like I am missing so much of my kids world I want them not to grow up, to be able to wake up and start over. To get a second chance to be a better mother. I hope and I pray when all is said and done my kids will realize I always loved them!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Time for me
Thought it would get easier. Really, must have fallen and hit my head or something. I am exhausted! Everyone else is asleep and instead of stealing a quick nap when I can I am up. Cleaning and doing my school work. Why?? Because apparently everyone relies on me to do everything. Didn't see that in the job description. Guess I skipped that part.... Looks like another long night with minimal sleep for me. Being a SAHM isn't all it is cracked up to be. They make it look easy. Everyone knows the stay at home mom that always looks great, kids are well-mannered always, house is clean and organized, and only makes homemade food. Where the hell is June Cleaver when you need here....hell I would settle for Aunt Bea at this point?!?! When is time for me? I can't even pee by myself o_0 Imagine what would happen to my world if I was sick or couldn't help for some other reason O_O Disaster would strike!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)