Mommy Confessions

Mommy Confessions is something I saw recently and thought it would be good to post about.

I am a mommy who lets her kids stay up way too late.
I am a mommy who knows her 9 month old loves french fries almost as much as breast milk.
I am a mommy who co-sleeps and isn't ashamed to admit it.
I am a mommy who cloth diapers.
I am a mommy who wishes I had done things differently with the first, second, and third.
I am a mommy who is proud of making changes.
I am a mommy who never gets an uninterrupted shower.
I am a mommy who sometimes just lets the kids fight.

This is an ongoing list......What about you, what are your mommy confessions?

emotions

Today as I watched you sleep in my arms I cried and thought, "how can I go on?"

I must I know, but some days the fight is too much for me. I feel like there is no light waiting at the end of the journey. So I drift deeper into my own little space. It's a dark and desperate place. Filled with worry and tears and all of my fears. And yet I go on day after day. I do not stop or give up my fight. And when I lay you down tonight and watch you rest peacefully in your bed I can not imagine my life any other way. i love all my babies and want so much to be the mother they need and to not yell and scream. I try to work hard doing this and that, but feel like I am missing so much of my kids world I want them not to grow up, to be able to wake up and start over. To get a second chance to be a better mother. I hope and I pray when all is said and done my kids will realize I always loved them!

Time for me

Thought it would get easier. Really, must have fallen and hit my head or something. I am exhausted! Everyone else is asleep and instead of stealing a quick nap when I can I am up. Cleaning and doing my school work. Why?? Because apparently everyone relies on me to do everything. Didn't see that in the job description. Guess I skipped that part.... Looks like another long night with minimal sleep for me. Being a SAHM isn't all it is cracked up to be. They make it look easy. Everyone knows the stay at home mom that always looks great, kids are well-mannered always, house is clean and organized, and only makes homemade food. Where the hell is June Cleaver when you need here....hell I would settle for Aunt Bea at this point?!?! When is time for me? I can't even pee by myself o_0 Imagine what would happen to my world if I was sick or couldn't help for some other reason O_O Disaster would strike!!!!!!

HomeSchooling....Who Knew?!

Who knew there are so many different styles of homeschooling :? I am confused. Where do I begin? I have 3 girls in school and each has an issue.

My oldest is smart, but needs extra help in certain areas. No matter how much we address this concern with the school we get no where. I understand with 20 some kids in a class they can't devote the right amount of time and attention to each one. However, why should my child suffer and feel stupid because others understood in 15 minutes what it took her 30 to understand?

My middle child is super smart and likes to show it. She is a straight "A" student who isn't nearly challenged enough with her current classes and tends to get in trouble for talking because of it. What are ya going to do?

My youngest girl in school needs one on one help to succeed. I believe she has some signs of ADHD. She has a difficult time sitting still in class. She does well when I work with her at home. I think the one-on-one approach is best for her.

I understand the challenges facing the public school system today, but my children should not have to suffer due to these issues! I plan on researching all the different styles of home schooling and posting the information I find.

Until next time...

Today is the first day...

I say today is the first day, but in actuality my baby is almost 4 months old. Many things have changed since his arrival on October 15th. To start I now have my little boy to go with my house full of crazy girls. I have changed my college major ... AGAIN! Shouldn't I know what I want to do with my life by now? I have been someone else's everything for going on 10 years and don't rightfully know what I want for me anymore.

I am tired, stressed, confused, and falling apart. Yet no one seems to notice. Everyone says, "I don't see how you do it." Well neither do I and frankly I'm done! I don't wanna do it anymore. I want 8 hours of uninterrupted blissful sleep. I want to shower and pee all by myself. I want someone to acknowledge the fact that I need a break sometimes too. And so I bottle it up and continue to smile because it's easier to not show I'm hurt and need some attention when so much else is going on. This will be my outlet, my way of expressing what no one seems to notice.