I must I know, but some days the fight is too much for me. I feel like there is no light waiting at the end of the journey. So I drift deeper into my own little space. It's a dark and desperate place. Filled with worry and tears and all of my fears. And yet I go on day after day. I do not stop or give up my fight. And when I lay you down tonight and watch you rest peacefully in your bed I can not imagine my life any other way. i love all my babies and want so much to be the mother they need and to not yell and scream. I try to work hard doing this and that, but feel like I am missing so much of my kids world I want them not to grow up, to be able to wake up and start over. To get a second chance to be a better mother. I hope and I pray when all is said and done my kids will realize I always loved them!
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